I have this obsession with being the worlds greatest Aunt. I have a lot of Aunts so it may stem from some childhood fantasy in which they all compete for who can sneak me the most chewing gum. Plus who wouldn’t love little people who find you infinitely interesting. The best part is you can fill full of sugar, tell them hilarious stories featuring their mother’s most embarrassing moments and send them on home.
My nephew Max is an intrepid explorer and fearless lover of life (as long as his mom is sill in sight) So I knew just what to make him for Christmas this year -a custom made super hero costume complete with back story.
(A little background. Max is a head butt-er and we often call him Max a Moose.)
The letter inside reads:
The Max File:
AKA Max A Moose, AKA baby Max,
In 19XX president XXXXXXXXXXX implemented a secret animal lab deep within Yellowstone Park. The program’s goal was to create the worlds most powerful woodland creatures. In 19XX due to reports of the animals mysterious powers the program was scraped and its subjects destroyed one animal A-520XX, listed as a large moose with an extremely hard head, and incredible strength remained unaccounted for.
While on a trip backpacking through Yellowstone Park young Max was approached by a moose matching the missing animals description.
Witnesses claim that the powerful moose moved backward, lowered his enormous antlers and ran towards Max who it is believed lowered his head to meet the oncoming Moose. It is now known that Max possessed an extremely rare equally hard head, an amazing coincidence! When the two incredibly thick heads met the magical powers of the Moose were transferred to Max. He now possesses the worlds hardest head and can defeat any foe with one head butt. He loves to eat all his vegetables they make him strong so can run like the wind. He bugles (makes a loud noise) for help from Mom or Dad if he’s in trouble. He is as smart as a moose and only plays in safe places. He is XXXXXXXXXXXX! He is brave and gentle and kind with a heart as big as the biggest bull moose. Perhaps you will discover more powers as you learn more about the superhero who now calls himself
MAX A (the A is for Amazing) MOOSE!
Enclosed you will find the authentic Max A Moose uniform, snatched during his last bath. Do with it what you will.
1 Good Listener Moose Mask (Moose have excellent hearing)
1 Official one of a kind Max A Moose Bull Moose Cape
2 Mane of the Moose 4-in-1 combination gauntlet, kneepads, elbow guard, Toupee.
This Message will self destruct (you’re 2 – it’s cardboard)
Made from Fleece, wool blend Felt, Faux Fur, Gold Lame, Elastic.
Once I finished the cape I noticed I had a perfect near perfect rectangle of both felt and faux fur left over, my husband suggested a loin cloth but I just couldn’t be responsible for the pictures that put the kid in therapy for life. I decided on knee pads, but then changed to gauntlets finally deciding to put ties on them so they can be whatever Max wants them to be, including a loin cloth. (They also work well as Donald Trump hair, don’t ask me how I know this, I just know.)
Here’s where the picture of Max LOVING my gift WOULD HAVE BEEN
But it’s late January and he still won’t even put it on!
(Turns out he’s more crusader than masked crusader)
That’s OK Max I’ll just stock up on chewing gum.